Dear Sarah,

Please go away. We don't care about your folksy sayings or your sassy winks. We don't care about you being a hockey mom, or a small town mayor, or a half-of-one-term governor. We really don't care about your pregnant/disabled/dumb/snowmobile-riding family members, even though it may seem that some people do. We don't care about what you think of Obama and Biden. We don't think you know the difference between a terrorist and an American born person of Latin descent (Brown is brown, my friends! right?) We don't think you understand the political process. We dont like to hear you say "Maverick", "Jaaaan McCaaaain" or "those" (my personal irritation with that one) Come to think of it, we don't like to hear you say "Alaska", "Baaaraaack OBamaaa" or "anything-at-all-because-your-accent-is-mind-numbingly-awful-to-listen-to"

We don't really think you are hot or a feisty go-getter. More likely you are a dead-lay and a bitch who lazily delegates to mistreated underlings. We don't think you are qualified and we aren't interested enough to find out if you are even 15% qualified. My next-door neighbor with 25 years experience as an alderman is more qualified to be VP than you. So is Tina Fey. Maybe moreso.

We LOVE that your husband wants to be called "The First Dude" or " MudMonkey". It will be a shame to not have him around to make fun of in a few short months. American comedy may not know it, but it is about to lose some rich comedic fodder when you and Todd fall back into obscurity. Its a shame we will never see the headline:



We don't care about Troopergate and, in fact, we don't care about ANYTHING which includes the suffix "gate". We are done with "gate". You were not cleared on this issue and you did abuse your power and acted unethically, just because criminal charges were not brought down does not mean you "were cleared".

If you ever agree to a REAL interview, we do not doubt that the first question asked will be "What do you take us for? Are you serious?" Come on, admit that you have no idea what you are doing...come on.

OK, well this note has already wasted enough of my time. I'm sure if you actually read this it will be a nice break from all of the studying the GOP is making you do. Its tough getting up to speed on 232 years of democracy in this country, isnt it? I was a journalism major too, I know you didn't learn ANY of that shit in college. If you take anything from this note, take this:

Please go away.

-Drue

I really am......checking my Gmail Trash-heap Junk-box Spam thingie is just a pleasure these days. I love the misspellings, randomly generated phrases and over-the-top awkwardness of these trash messages.

Like this one!

From: BERTRAND GOLABJAMUNFACE
TO: Lil Ol DRUESKI
SUBJECT: QuiCK!!!! Look HeRe NoEW FAg

Hola,Fuck beer!

Got sexy girl?Click here (link disabled for your own good)

Of authoritiesa parterre of kings in the empire shafts, them akaras, and kshatriyas, the deep foundation was laid, three years after his advancement virtue of our good deeds ascend thou to heaven. neither three rivers, nor the islands of sorel and satyavan sweetly said unto savitri, 'behold ofthe little inn were requisitioned to the utmost with fruitsand flowers?' cock and after thinking so and servants and guests, is truly lean and not on the box, the whip was cracked,and two sleepy from which that stream takes its rise. Speech the phrase the mentiri breasts had been substituted for as other washrooms are absolutely dry. Whatever the king causes chastisementto overtake all wicked these words from thy love, affection,and friendship.



AAAAAAhhhhhh.......pure poetry!!

US, China Agree on Hot American P***y for Debt Relief Deal
by Nordmere Firmquat

Amidst the excitment of the Olympics, President Bush met with Chinese President Hu Jintao in Beijing today to finalize a debt relief plan that will greatly reduce the amount of money owed to China by the United States. The agreement, which Bush deemed essential to mitigating the United States' financial obligation to China, which has ballooned from $60 billion to over $500 billion since 2000, stipulates the conscription of five hundred American girls as "articles of prurient interest" for use by the Chinese for a period of one week.

"American girls so sexy," remarked Jintao.

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino revealed to reporters this morning that those scheduled to report for mandatory service have already been selected from photos culled from social networking sites including Myspace and Facebook as well as passport and school yearbook photos by a consortium of Chinese government officials and businessmen willing to forgive billions in US Treasury security holdings for less than a quarter of a month of sexual pleasure with a beautiful, preferably virginal, young American woman.

"We've got ourselves into a bit of a pickle here, and we're calling on a relatively small number of individuals to take one for the team, if you will," Perino said, "But the girls, and handful of boys, who have been chosen by our Chinese friends should view this duty as an honor and a privilege. Selected from a pool of literally millions of prospective candidates, these fine young Americans will be performing a great patriotic service to our country while having the opportunity to experience an exotic, foreign land."

Added Perino: "And as for the sex, I've been apprised that they'll probably barely feel a thing."

Despite the approbative speeches, many of those who've already been notified of their looming obligation are less than enthusiastic.

"I don't want to spend a week getting f--ked by some dirty Chinaman," said one buxom sixteen year-old girl, "I'd rather fill my vagina with fresh cement."

Though experts predict that the public outcry over this most recent debt reduction deal with an Asian world power will exceed that which followed last month's federal recall of 1 million pairs of pre-worn panties used to negotiate $100 billion worth of relief from the $620 billion owed to the Japanese, officials claim their hands were tied.

"The Chinese aren't really into used panties, and the only other alternative was to let them repossess the (aircraft carrier) USS Ronald Reagan and two nuclear submarines," an anonymous source disclosed, "These guys want pussy or boats, and, well, we're keeping our boats."

Have any of you been following this story?

Its so odd, none of the mainstream media is picking it up, but the National Enquirer is touting it as the next big break. I will say that the National Enquirer did break Monika Lewinsky and OJ news VERY early on...before some others picked it up. It is possible that they are onto something. It's just the rate at which this is happening is so slow. Finally, today we have some new news on this, and blurry photos. I was convinced that something was up here, but now with the crapy photos....I dont know. This is 2008 people...come on. My cell phone can take better photos than that, and dont tell me it a "micro-spy cam" that they placed someplace because I have seen VIDEO for a spy cam thats better than that! The photos look like something from a 1960's James Bond flick! Did the Enquirer snap these with a micro-fiche cam or something? Really.

Why didnt they mention the in-room photos of Edwards and the kid? They have been talking about catching him at the hotel for weeks...but no mention of the spy cam photos.

I think the National Enquirer is inching closer to a Frances Quinn Hunter-John Edwards blood test - taken with a 200-foot needle aimed from a very steady helicopter.

the David Caruso blog?

I honestly appreciate the link, it's so very cool of them to do that....but I am lost as to whether they LOVE Caruso or Hate him? Are they Stalking him, or reporting on the stalkers?

Its all very confusing and amusing.......

Labels: bad skin, David Caruso still stinks in my opinion, flesh eating viruses, people who say EXpresso are trying to tell you they are secretly gay, ugly red haired actors

....and by here I mean "in the world". Or maybe I just mean within 15 feet of me at any given time.

It has been a crazy, crazy summer people. World events aside, I have been extremely busy and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Literally. At this point the chicken suit is getting very hot and stinky, the stage blood is all dried up and caked in my hair and I am just exhausted! Whew!

I have managed to solve my car issues - by buying a new car. Let me say this, the Honda Fit....it really is Go. They arent lying to you with those ads. It is Go, the very essence of Go. I just dont know which came first, the Fit or the Go. Its a bit of "chicken or the egg" if you know what I mean.

The twins are in the process of breaking the crawling-to-walking barrier. Exciting stuff....a step here....a step there. Pretty soon they'll be walking over to the computer, coming to this site and asking me what the hell I have been talking about for the past 5 years on this stupid thing!
I hope I can come up with a good answer.....

Ooops...gotta run!

If you and I are lucky.....my twins sons will one day have a cool band!!

Its every twins father's dream.......

Labels: Rock, This is Radio Twins

Michelle Obama "Whitey" Rumor:

Rush Limbaugh claimed a tape exists of Michelle Obama using the word ‘whitey’ from the pulpit of Trinity United church. Obamas campaign started a website to stop smears like this one.

The real issue here is: Who listens to ANYTHING that Rush Limbaugh says anymore?? He is nothing more than a loud-mouth drug addict on the radio! Have people forgotten that he illegally obtained prescription drugs like oxocodone and hydrocodone in a doctor shopping scheme? I guess the SECOND time he was busted with illegal drugs (Viagra) has been forgotten as well! And let not get into his "erotic vacations" - which probably explains why he has been unable to keep a relationship going with a woman! T

This snippet says alot, I give no citation and make no personal claim that I am a journalist, but I believe this paragraph is closer to the truth about Rush than any comment he has ever made on his show. He is a drug addled sex pervert....

"There are plenty of adult prostitutes here in the U.S.A. and Rush is rich enough to pay for pretty much any strange, perverted request. Travelling to another country tells me that his sick desires have crossed some line that is so horrible that only a third world country can satisfy them. 12 year old boys? It’s time to put the monster behind bars where he belongs."

Yet people still believe anything this drug addicted, sex predator, lunatic has to say about anything? I would be more apt to believe Charlie Manson before Rush!

Some quick music new for you...

Hannah Montana (AKA Miley Cyrus) is set to release her first full length album under her own name. The truly interesting thing about this is the fact that even Miley Cyrus ISN'T HER REAL NAME!!

Her given name is "Destiny Hope Cyrus" which, if you ask me, is just as annoying as Miley Cyrus.

I just wanted to point out the fact that we have reached the point in 2008 where a "star" is giving up her fake-ass Disney name in the interest of "being herself" and "doing her own thing" in the hopes that she can " show some skin, get laid, blow a bunch of guys and money and eventually end up a psychological wreck like Brittany"

.....for the record I voted for 'Destiny Nevada" but the others on the Disney board said it
was "too porno".

in other news....

Smoking hot Scarlett Johannson has an album out...it's called "Anywhere I Lay My Head"
which refers to the lap of the record executive who wrote this deal. Lucky prick.

The word most associated with this album right now is one that we have NEVER seen in the same sentence as Scarlett Johannson's name...."FLAT"

and finally......I'm out!!

(damn my news scan skills are horribly rusty!)

A friend recently asked me to make better use of this blog. He says I continually make empty promises of more posts, funnier material, website ovehauls etc. and I never deliver. Which is totally true and reminds me of the Kevin McDonald character "Dean" from Kids in the Hall. I guess I should put "It slipped my miiinnnd....." into every post following my empty promises. So, I've been told that "just saying something" here on a daily or semi-daily basis will bring back interest in this blog as well as interest from friends and keep me from fading into some World Wide Web dead letter office. That is, if my friend is correct.

That being said, I'd like to talk about something really cool. Your rights. Well, all of our rights. I have made mention of our rights on this blog in the past, namely free speech and things of that nature. Remember this? (see third letter down)

Today I want everyone to direct their attention to Dean (Dino) Cameron. You may know Dean Cameron because he played Chainsaw in Summer School (1987) - but Dean's acting career is not our focus (despite appearance in both The Facts of Life and Alf) A few years ago he got the idea to make playing card size copies of the Bill of Rights printed on metal with the 4th Amendment (search and seizure) printed in red. It's called "Bill of Rights, Security Edition," and it's made for people who frequently fly on airplanes and love their rights. It's an awesome idea. It sets off the metal detectors and when you get stopped for additional searching you can tell the security person, "That's my rights. You must have detected my rights. I guess you will have to take them away now!" Of course, making a big stink about your rights being taken away by the security people is great, but the reaction from the people behind you is not. Well, it could be good. It could really go either way, they might laugh and applaude you or there may be a massive crush of people all trying to strangle you for holding up the line. Either way there will be a reaction.

My good buddy, good pal, Penn Jillette got the first shipment of them back in 2002 or so and had a great time trying this thing out. I can't think of a better person to do this. Penn had the idea that, since they will take and then return the card you should refuse to take it back and suggest that the security person keep it for later reading. No matter how you use the BOR Security Edition, even if it's just between you and the security person taking your rights away at that moment, it will have an effect. There is nothing wrong with a low-key protest move.

So, Dean Cameron has a website where you can buy these 1 for $4, 3 for $10 - he has a few different packages, they take Paypal. I guess if you are leaving them behind you might want the frequent flier rates. It's a great leave behind, a great gift for Dad, a great statement. As Dean's wesite points out, with the current state of affairs, making a big stink is no longer advised. Small comments might be a better idea. I don't think your wife wants to miss that vacation to Hawaii because you decided that airport security was the time and place for you to make your stand on politics...but the more of these little cards that get out there the better. Even if you are like me and there is little chance you'll be flying any time soon, just use the Security Edition as a gag at parties, a conversation piece. People will love it!!

So there we have it, I posted something....it's good content. Maybe not as funny as some would like, but I think it's a worthwhile post.

As for that website overhaul I have been promising?

"Will do."

(and since they haven't been mentioned in a while / barely ever)

Yes, I am father to these two little jokesters!!



Not to be all parent-y...all goofy and gushing over them....but aren't these little dudes just the cutest!?

Unfortunately they will only be working with the tools I have given them....which I believe are the genetic equivalent of a hollow plastic hammer, a corkscrew and a rusty cheese grater.

This comes as the rivals campaign for two crucial primaries next week. Analysts say Mrs Clinton needs to win the contests, in Texas and Ohio, to remain in the race to choose the Democratic candidate for November's presidential election.

With tempers fraying ahead of a crucial debate in Ohio on Tuesday, the former first lady highlighted Mr Obama's lack of foreign policy experience during a speech in Washington.
Reminding the George Washington University audience of her own international credentials, Mrs Clinton suggested her rival would need a "foreign policy instruction manual" to keep the country safe if elected. Obama has responded to this with a very flip "What a c*nt. She should be so lucky to have a family with rich traditions. "

Fear-mongering
The photograph published on Monday shows Mr Obama - whose father came from Kenya - wearing a white turban and a white robe presented to him by elders in the north-east of the country.
Dirty tricks or a fuss about nothing? In November 2006 at the APEC summit, George W. Bush announced that he is actually a Viet Kong sympathizer, even going so far as to dress in traditional VietNam robes...see?





The Drudge Report said the Obama image had been circulated by "Clinton staffers" as a smear. To which the Obama camp responded "Yeah, Hillary can't help from smearing stuff...it's the Clinton way. Just look at Bill. He smeared that girl all up with DNA! In fact, Barack is going to have the Oval Office gone over with a black-light before he takes office. Between Clinton's smears and Bush's inability to wipe his ass, who knows whats in there!"

Addressing the issue briefly in an interview with a Texas radio station, Mr Obama also said: "I think the American people are saddened when they see Hillary. What a fucking BAG, am I right? She's such a road-whore...makes margaret Thatcher look like Heidi Klum! Mmmmm. Heidi Klum, I'd like to break a piece off of that! ....and I know she loves the brothers!"

Some Clinton aides have tried in the past to suggest to Democrats that the Illinois senator's background might be off-putting to mainstream voters. A campaign volunteer was fired last year after circulating an email suggesting, falsely, that Mr Obama was a Liza Minelli fan and loved the Broadway production "Rent", sacasticaly pointing out "...but he's not gay or anything".

Obama's campaign manager, Dave Poof, accused Mrs Clinton's aides of "the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we've seen from either party in this election". The accusation was dismissed by Mrs Clinton's campaign manager Maggie Waggie. "If Barack Obama's campaign wants to suggest that a photo of him wearing traditional Somali clothing is divisive, they should be ashamed," she said. "Hillary Clinton has worn the traditional clothing of countries she has visited and had those photos published widely." Yet after an extensive internet search, we only found these...hardly international, Hillary!

Hillary sporting the traditional "1950's sweater-set look", The Fonz approves.

In Monday's speech, the New York senator characterised Mr Obama as a rash and inconsistent politician with the same sort of inexperience that President George W Bush had when first electeted. Clinton then realized that Bush has been President for the past 8 years based upon that inexperience and quickly shut the fuck up.

Commentators suggest Mrs Clinton needs strong victories in both Ohio and Texas to keep her White House campaign alive. But several polls suggest she is screwed already.
The Illinois senator is leading in Texas for the first time, according to a CNN poll, with 50%, compared to 46% for Mrs Clinton. Mr Obama has won 11 consecutive primaries and caucuses in recent weeks, and is now seen as the Democratic front-runner...regardless of robes, bitch!

I've been noticing alot of traffic from Radio 411 lately and I'd like to say to those visitors...

Email me. I'm more than willing to help out. ( drueklinowski(at)gmail.com )

The Radio 411 site is still touting Back Up Off My Blog, Yo as a place to come to get material from a willing source, but in the past few months we've all seen my blogging efforts drop down to a mere trickle....however I am here and willing to help you. Email me.

Until things change on this site (see previous post....) your best bet is to shoot me an e-mail.

Thanks!!

Labels: Steal my ideas and I will carve the heart right out of your puny chest, thats a lie i'm just kidding I'm a total whore please use my stuff I'm begging

Phhhewwww. Phhhhh. Eh, dusty. Man.

Phhhheeeeewwwwwwwwwww.

Sorry about all the dust, gang. I know I've been away and let things get dusty and rusty. You know, I once knew some guys named Dusty and Rusty....but that was in a past life. I don't wear leather chaps and a motorcycle hat anymore. At least, not out to bars.

How have we all been? Great! Me too. Holiday went well...blah blah blah. There really is no point in recapping together since this is a one-way conversation!! I'll just assume your fine and move on, great.

Heading into 2008, the 4th official year of this blog - it seems like forever- I am planning on some new material, some new posts and a few new ideas. Since I have let the drudgery of being a Baltimore, Maryland resident get to me the past few months, offset with the overwhelming joy of becoming the father of two bouncing baby boys - So, I am returning to this blog like the warm cozy safety blanket that it has been for the past few years in and attempt to vent my anger and share my happiness. It's really so I can keep myself off of Prozac or crack or whatever parents in second-class cities are taking nowadays. Most likely this will be done in the form of senseless rants and doodie jokes, but Hey!!! What did you expect?